How To Ruin A Laptop
by Potikanda
Summary: Warning: Cracky fun! Finn asks to borrow Kurt's laptop: chaos and hilarity ensue! Poor Finn. Slight smut warning, for mentioning of sexual acts.


**After "Pain", I figured you guys needed a bit of cracky fun. So here is Finn, and what happens when he borrows Kurt's computer!**

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><p>Blaine and Artie sat together at lunch, Blaine slowly picking at the tuna sandwich on sprouted grain bread that Kurt had kindly made for him as a "treat". He looked woefully at Artie's ham and cheese on rye, as he pulled out a couple of zucchini spears. Not that he didn't love the sandwich, of course, he thought to himself. But ham and cheese <em>was<em> his favorite.

Blaine was debating on asking Artie if he could just have a nibble when Finn walked up and sat beside Artie. He rested his head in his hands and groaned. Blaine and Artie exchanged a glance; Finn didn't usually act this way, and he sure as hell didn't come to either of _them_ for help.

"I need your help guys," Finn moaned. "I am _SO_ dead."

Blaine raised his eyebrow and Artie coughed softly.

"Uh… Not that we don't wanna help, Finn, but _why us_?" Artie asked softly, looking around for the other members of Glee. He knew Mike, Tina, Sam and Puck were rehearsing, Santana and Britney were most likely making out somewhere dark, Rory and Sugar were discussing Sugar on the other side of the room, and Rachel and Kurt were discussing the merits of getting into NYADA. Again.

"Oh God…" Finn blurted. He raised his head from his hands, and his face was beet red. He took a deep breath, raised his eyes to stare the other two in the face, and whispered "I broke Kurt's laptop."

"Oh, Dude… That sucks!" Artie fought a grin, knowing Finn would definitely not appreciate him laughing right now. Blaine cracked a smile when he looked at Artie, but quickly sobered when he took in Finn pained face.

"Well, I guess that means you should, you know, pay to fix it, right?" Blaine asked, his hand gesticulating in the air in front of him. Finn coloured even further, dropping his head back into his hand.

"I would but… I'm afraid what the technician would say. And… and I'm afraid of what he would _see_…" Blaine's eyebrows furrowed confusedly. He leaned forward across the table, whispering conspiratorially.

"What _exactly_ were you doing when you broke Kurt's computer, Finn?" He asked softly, earning a deep embarrassed groan from the other boy. Artie's face was pulled down in shock as he looked between the two, Finn beside him and Blaine across from him.

"_Finn!_" Artie hissed, leaning over towards Finn and accidentally bumping his hand as he shoved into Finn's personal space. "Please, _please_ tell me you didn't do what I think you did!" Blaine began reddening too, as he slowly caught on, and Finn just moaned again.

"_I_ _couldn't help it!_" Finn's voice was high pitched now, cracking embarrassingly as he tried to get the words out. "My desktop broke, and I don't have a laptop. I just… I needed to borrow it for a little while! I didn't know it was gonna slide off my lap!"

Artie and Blaine looked on towards Finn in horror.

"It… it was on your lap when… Oh God, Finn," Blaine looked faintly nauseated; after all, he had spent quite a number of hours with Kurt watching movies on that laptop. Finn nodded, head still in his hands, as he waited for the ground to swallow him whole.

"So… it slid off your lap… and onto the floor?" Artie asked quietly, noticing the group of Cheerios that sauntered by the table. Brit and Santana weren't with them. Finn nodded again, and raised his eyes once more, peeking over the tops of his hands.

"That's not the worst part." Artie and Blaine simply goggled at Finn, unsure that there could possibly even _be_ anymore. "I was… at the end… and… well, I may have missed the sock I was using…"

"OH MY GOD, FINN!" Blaine was definitely turning green now, the mental picture far too much for him to tolerate. Artie on the other hand, blinked twice, then abruptly began laughing hysterically.

"Why, oh, _why_, does my boyfriend look like someone threw his collection of bow ties and hair gel out in the trash?" The feisty voice of one Kurt Hummel floated towards them from the doorway, and Finn squeaked. Literally.

All three boys watched as Finn dashed from the lunch room, his mouth opening and closing like he was fighting to keep his lunch down.

"Geez, what hell's wrong with Finn?" Kurt walked over and plunked himself down beside Blaine, sitting close but not close enough to bring attention to himself or Blaine. Artie answered Kurt's question, an evil smirk crossing his features.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with him. Oh, Kurt, I was wondering if you had those notes from the day before yesterday for French? I know you always type them up on your… _laptop_." Blaine choked, his eyes wide as he looked between Artie and Kurt, the former trying not to snicker, and the latter simply looking confused.

"Uh… actually, I don't. Finn borrowed my laptop last night. Come to think of it, he forgot to return it this morning. Hey, if I'm fast, maybe I can catch him!" Kurt jumped up and followed out the same door that Finn had left by.

Blaine looked quickly at Artie, seeing the sly smirk on his face.

"You, Sir, are pure evil. Remind me to never get on your bad side." Blaine mumbled, standing up and throwing the rest of his sandwich out. After his conversation with Finn, he simply was NOT able to stomach anything else. Artie simply resumed laughing.

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><p>"<em>DUDE!<em>" Finn yelped as Artie wheeled into Glee. They were the first ones there, and Artie couldn't help but snicker when he saw Finn. He hadn't been able to stop laughing about it all day.

"What's up, Finn? Haven't destroyed any more laptops, have you?" Finn grimaced, knowing he deserved this mockery for what he'd done in the first place.

"No," he mumbled back. "But you have to help me! Kurt's been chasing me around since lunch, and he's nearly cornered me twice! What do I do?" At this point, Blaine walked in, and, rubbing his hand over his face in second-hand embarrassment, he strode over to where Finn and Artie were talking.

"Finn. I think the best thing you should do is 'fess up. The longer Kurt is kept in the dark, the worse off it will be when he finally finds out. And you _know_ he will find out, Finn," Blaine lay his hand on Finn's shoulder, offering as much support as he could muster for his boyfriends' brother.

"I know…" Finn whined. "But can't I, like, get it fixed first, and then, well, tell him afterwards?" Finn looked at the other two hopefully, seeing the look of disappointment on Blaine's face, and the look of pure, unadulterated glee on Artie's face.

"As it so happens, I know a guy…" Artie whispered, as Britney and Santana walked in, hand in hand, followed by Rory, Sugar, Mike, Tina and Puck. "I'll hook you up," Artie promised, and seats were taken as Mr. Schue walked in.

Kurt arrived late, and glared fiercely at Finn for the duration of Glee club. When the club let out, Finn made a mad dash for the door, leaving a severely ticked off Kurt in his wake.

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><p>"I don't know what the hell is wrong with Finn today, Blaine! Every single time I try to talk to him, he makes a run for it! I don't know if I should be worried about his bladder control or if I should be backing off because he's caught some nasty virus and is running to the bathroom to be sick!"<p>

Blaine sighed softly, thankful it was the end of the day. He hadn't come up with any real ways to help Finn, even though he really had been trying. Helping by keeping Kurt occupied seemed to be about the only thing Blaine was good for right now. He walked Kurt to his car, holding the door open for his boyfriend, and then climbing in the drivers' seat.

"You know, Kurt. Maybe there's another reason for Finn to be running away. Maybe he's… done something, and is afraid you'll hate him for it," Kurt's piercing eyes found Blaine's in a split second, focussing on him with an intensity that Blaine found nearly overwhelming.

"You know something." It was a statement, not a question, and Blaine blushed. "Spill." Blaine shook his head gently in regret.

"It's not my secret to tell. If Finn is smart, he'll tell you. But…" Blaine sighed again. "I really don't think he'll tell you. It's embarrassing. Even I was embarrassed for him, when he told me." Kurt's eyes widened comically, then narrowed as he mulled over what Blaine had said.

So, Finn was keeping secrets, huh? Well…. Let Kurt get his laptop back, and he'd be able to dig out all the secrets Finn was hiding. There was bound to be proof of any of Finn's, _indiscretions_, online, and Kurt Hummel would find them.

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><p>"<em>Two Hundred Dollars!<em>" Finn was freaking out. Artie tried to calm him down, grabbing on to Finn's jacket, and yanking, which had the effect of pulling Artie from his chair, rather than catching Finn's attention.

"_Dude!_" Finn righted Artie's chair, and sat him back in it, his hands flapping all over as he continued freaking out. "I _don't_ have two hundred dollars! I couldn't _make_ two hundred dollars in time to fix the laptop before Kurt asks for it back! I'm _doomed!_" Finn groaned again, running his hands through his already messy hair.

"Okay, Finn, look. I don't think you have a choice anymore," Artie was tired of the dramatics; he didn't want to have anything more to do with Finn's masterbating issues.

"You're just going to have to tell Kurt the truth. He's your brother, he'll… well, no he won't understand, but he has to forgive you." Finn sighed, running his hand through his hair one more time. "Eventually," Artie added, under his breath, as Finn walked away dejectedly.

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><p>"<em>YOU DID WHAT WITH MY LAPTOP?"<em> Burt ran to the top of the stairs, thinking Kurt was ready to kill someone, finding an enraged Kurt ranting across from a cowering Finn. If he hadn't been so worried about them both, he would have actually snickered at how Kurt was able to dominate Finn.

"Okay, buddy, you need to calm down," Burt started, but Kurt rounded on him.

"Do you, have _any idea_, what this neanderthal has done _with my laptop?"_ Kurt screeched, reaching notes even _he_ shouldn't have been able to reach.

Burt rubbed his hand over his head, scrunching his face in concern. "Uh, broken it?" he muttered, his face colouring nearly as dark as Finn's. Kurt's eyes narrowed.

"Dad. You need to tell. Me. What. You. Know… _NOW_." Burt's eyes widened. When Kurt got scary like it, it reminded him a lot of when Elizabeth got mad at him. His sense of déjà vu kicked in, and he began babbling.

"Well, see, the other day I was watching a football game, and wondered if Finn wanted to watch with me," Burt scratched his head again, and Finn poked his head out from behind his hands. "I was coming up here to ask him, but he was making weird noises in his room. I stopped myself from going in, because I _knew_ what he was doing. I figured I would just let him be. Then I heard a scream, a crash, and Finn here, yelling out a cuss."

"Oh. My. Grilled. Cheesus." Finn buried his face back in his hands, his face and neck so red Burt thought he was going to have an anurysm.

"Since the screaming wasn't prolonged, I figured Finn was fine. So I just went back to watching the game." Burt finished, he face nearly as red as Kurt's.

"Oh my God," Kurt whispered, horror in his voice as he turned on Finn. "My _dad_ heard you masterbating, Finn! OH MY GOD!"

"Enough, Kurt." Burt murmured gently, reaching out and clapping Finn on the shoulder. The large young man winced as Burt's grip tightened gently. "Finn didn't mean to break your computer, did you Finn?" Finn looked up, and for the first time, Kurt could see real tears in his eyes. He really did look sincere.

"Well… what am I supposed to _do_, Dad? Just forgive him and let it slide? He was jerking off with my _computer on his lap!_" Kurt felt dirty; he didn't even want to _touch_ his laptop after he knew Finn was done with it.

"I'll pay to get it fixed, Kurt. And Finn's desktop computer too. I'll pay to get them both fixed, and we will _never_ speak of this again. Is that understood?" Burt got a solemn promise from both boys, and walked back to the living room to finish watching the game.

"I really am sorry, Kurt." Finn apologised again, ducking his head in shame. Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling.

"It really was my own fault for lending you my laptop, Finn." Kurt conceded. "However, from now on you will _never_ ask to borrow my laptop again, clear?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not Kurt. Never again, Kurt! Not EVER! I promise!" Finn promised, then began thinking.

"Kurt, if my desktop ever breaks down again…"

"_Not a snowball's chance in Hell, Finn!"_

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><p><strong>I always seem to have the best dreams, because yet again, this was something my delicious little mind cooked up for me while sleeping. Good, wholesome, cracky fun! Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing! XD<strong>


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